So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize