Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
