is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
