i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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