I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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