dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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