OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize