Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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