guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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