but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
