WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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