Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
