God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
