You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
