time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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