I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
