Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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