Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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