I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
