If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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