Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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