My nipple is on Facebook.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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