I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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