just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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