At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
