She said her name was "party"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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