i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
