Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
