Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
