highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
