Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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