it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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