Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize