after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
