Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize