Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She needs sedatives and a leash
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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