Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
