i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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