i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
