Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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