he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
