Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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