2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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