Will you blow on my dice?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
