i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
