just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
