I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
