I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
