watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
