The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
