so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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