I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
