please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
