And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You were trust falling into bushes
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize