it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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