in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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