Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
