Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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