just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you're hired as official boob wrangler
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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