Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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