just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
