Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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