dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
