Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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