areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
