dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
