I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
