Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i think i just lost a toe
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
