i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
