when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
