They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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