She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
