NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
