Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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