I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
