Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
