Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
