I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Never joke about your clitoris.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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