I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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