i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We need to get me chipped asap
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
