The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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