Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
two words: eviction party
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
