Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just invented taco cereal.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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