I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
