Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize