You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize